Friday, August 7, 2015

"If You Smell Something, Say Something." Jon Stewart Passes The Baton To Us

Just before Jon Stewart signed off The Daily Show for the last time, he gave us a little instruction. It's already known as "The Bullshit Speech."

Here is what he said . . .

"Bullshit is everywhere.

There is very little you will encounter in life that has not been, in some ways, infused with bullshit, not all of it bad. General day-to-day free ranch is often necessary, or at the very least innocuous: 'Oh, what a beautiful baby. I'm sure he'll grow into that head.'

That kind of bullshit in many ways provides important social contract fertilizer, that keeps people from making each other cry all day.

But then there's the more pernicious bullshit, your premeditated institutional bullshit designed to obscure and distract.

Designed by whom? The bullshit talkers. This bullshit comes in three basic flavors. One: making bad things sound like good things. 'Organic all-natural cupcakes.' Because 'Factory Made Sugar Oatmeal Balls' doesn't sell. 'Patriot Act,' because 'Are You Scared Enough To Let Me Look At All Your Phone Records Act,' doesn't sell.

Whenever something is titled 'freedom,' 'fairness,' 'family,' 'health,' and 'America,' take a good long sniff. Chances are it's been manufactured in a facilitate that may contain traces of bullshit.

Number two, the second way, hiding the bad things under mountains of bullshit. Complexity, you know, 'I would love to download Drizzy's latest Meek Mill Diss.' - Everyone promised me that that made sense. - 'But I'm not really interested right now in reading Tolstoy's Itunes agreement, so i'll just click "agree" even if it grants Apple prima nocta with my spouse.'

Here's another one. Simply put, banks shouldn't be able to bet your pension money on red. Bullshitly put, it's, hey, this, Dodd-Frank. Hey, a handful of billionaires can't buy our elections, right? Of course, not. They can only pour unlimited anonymous cash into 501-c4 if 50% is the voted to issue to education otherwise they'd have to 501c6 it or funnel it openly through a non-campaign coordinating SuperPac with a quarter . . .  'I think they're asleep now. We can sneak out.'

And finally, finally it's the bullshit of infinite possibility. These bullshitters cover their unwillingness to act under the guise of unending inquiry. 'We can't do anything because we don't yet know everything. We cannot take action on climate change until everyone in the world agrees gay marriage vaccines won't cause our children to marry goats who are going to come for our guns. Until then, I say teach the controversy.'

Now, the good news is this, bullshitters have gotten pretty lazy. And their work is easily detected. And looking for it is kind of a pleasant way to pass the time, like an I Spy of bullshit.

So I say to you tonight, friends, the best defense against bullshit, is vigilance.

So if you smell something, say something."

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